anonymous people

I was walking along the river with my baby the other day. I had the carriage turned around and wheeled her backwards so the sun wouldn't hit her directly in the face as she slept. It's a 2 way path that people use to walk or ride their bikes. There are a lot of bikes that ride through during the day and it can sometimes be a hazard when they come zooming by. No matter what the situation is though, the walking pedestrian should be given the right of way and the biker should slow and use caution when riding on the path.
As I was walking, a middle-aged man came riding around me and yelled as he rode by for me to move more over to the side. I was not exactly in the middle and there was plenty of room for him to pass. I lost my shit. I yelled at him to turn around, come back and tell me what he had said instead of saying it as he rode by like an anonymous coward. He turned around and owned up to his beef and we had some kind words for each other. I had a few more words for him about his mother as he started to ride away and another biker lightly hit his bike from behind. He said, "look, you cause accidents." I said, "You are an accident." He rode away in disgust. I told him to tell his mom that I said thanks.
I don't like it when people say things from afar or anonymously. It's pretty douchy and makes you look like a tool. Man up, get off your bike or high horse and tell what you think to my face.

Strategically Gay

I have another hypothesis. It goes like this: I believe that homo-sexuality is advantageous to the human race. At least it was up until the latter half of the last century. This hypothesis is solely a species related advantage and has nothing to do with any cultural aspects of being gay.
Here's how I figure it. Throughout history, I believe that a certain percentage of the human population has been homo-sexual. As population increases, the number of homo-sexual individuals, both male and female, have increased but the percentage from the whole population has stayed the same. So if 5% of the population is always gay, that stays the same but the overall number of homo-sexuals increases with population increase.
I belive there is a reason for this. I think that the human species has built in mechanisms to slow its own growth. If a percentange of the population is homo-sexual and therefore can not procreate, the population can in theory stay in check before outside forces such as pestilence, hunger, poverty and natural disasters destroy them instead. However, being as smart as the human species are, we have found a way around that little issue with the invention of in vitro fertilization. This way any gay male can have his sperm put into a female or any gay female can have sperm inserted into them. Gay people having children, Voila!
An advantage no more.

Greatest Olympian ever

That title will never have my name after it. I think when you hit your 30's it becomes somewhat official that you will never be a great athlete. I started thinking. Although I wouldn't become a great olympian...ever, I wondered what event I could excell at if I had actually put some effort into it at an early age. The answer: nothing. I could work out day and night and focus solely on one particular sport my entire life and I don't even think I could get past nationals. I mean at anything. This includes ping pong, archery, javelin and hell, might as well throw it out there... curling. I am now inclined to think that my inability to motivate myself to compete in any sport at any early is knowing that I would never be able to take it to the highest levels of sport competition. Knowing this fact has made me feel much better about doing nothing at all. I think that too many people underestimate to power of nothing. It should be revered as the single greatest thing anybody can do. Winning tons of gold medals is great... if you care about that sort of thing. Me, I like sitting around and watching people sweep brooms on the ice in order to get a large rock as close to the bulls-eye as possible.

Unavoidable Staring

You can call me weird or pervy, I don't care what you think, but when I am on the subway and a girl is wearing a low-cut top that exposes her cleavage, I cannot help but stare. I love the low-cut top that not only has a low-cup bra but a bra that is just slightly too big for her. This allows me to see most of her boobs. I figure, if she did not want me to stare and worship her boobs she would not be wearing those particular items of clothing. She is inviting my stares. Her boobs are like tracker beams that keep my gaze. I am unable to look away and nor do I want to. I sometimes wear my shades so she cannot see what I am looking at. I know I am not the only one who does this. I think it should be a law that all hetero men should stare at a woman's boobs on the subway when she wears a very revealing top. There isn't much about an NYC subway ride that I am fond of but the boob stare is worth all the other hassles.

Outside World

I'm taking a business trip next week to Augusta, Georgia. I don't normally take business trips so this is a new experience for me. When I travel, I go to places I want to see and want to do things in. This will not be one of those places. I am literally forced to go some place I would not normally go. I'm slightly apprehensive as I do not know what the people in this region of the country will be like. Most places I go have relatively normal people and tourists who are like me. This might be a scary place that has scary people. I'll have to stay over night. Maybe these people change at night. Like vampires and werewolves. Maybe not that dramatic but what if they are weird. I might wake up in my hotel room to see a local standing over me, wide eyed and salivating. Maybe I'm being silly but what if this really happens. I won't look so silly anymore.

Best Porn Movie Ever

Here is the concept: A female devil that looks like a hot, saucy Latina goes around enticing married men to cheat on their wives with her by promising and giving the hottest sex they've ever had. The thing is, the wives always find out. Part of the deal with this hot devil as the guys never read the fine print. This continues to happen for 3 scenes which are very hot. We can even throw in the obligatory lesbo scene. It doesn't matter how it happens, it's just there.
Eventually, the she-devil finds one man who she can't seem to entice and the reason is that this guy's wife is even hotter than the devil chick and is better at fucking too. So the story ends on a high note with morality winning and the hottest sex scene in the whole movie because the guy's wife is so hot. Now, the title of the film: The Devil Wears Nada.
Sweet... right?

Retard Kicks

I was talking to a work colleague outside while he was having a smoke. I was complaining that the company didn't have a softball team this year. That kinda sucks because I love playing company softball. I feel I perform better while I'm buzzed, kind of like sex. I'm more relaxed and smack balls better.
We started talking about other team sports we would like to do. Dodgeball, handball, kickball. I loved to play kickball. It seemed so easy to punt the big red ball when I was younger. I also liked being able to peg other children with the ball to get them out. I think the best part of the game was watching people get strikes at the plate. In softball if you whiff, it's a shame. In kickball if you get a strike, you look fucking retarded. It's a big red, bouncy ball coming at you on the ground at 5 miles an hour... and you miss. You simply have to be fucking retarded. I loved to watch it because people always looked pathetic when they missed. I would think about running to the backstop to grab the missed ball and peg them for being so retarded.