V.I.P.

It's that time of the year again when the leaves start changing and the temperature starts dropping and the U.N. Assembly does it's shtick and fucks with all of mid-town Manhattan. For a whole week the top leaders of the world come to NYC and talk their winded talk and congest traffic for 3-4 days. I walk to work everyday and it's amusing to have to wait for a motorcade to go by or see beefy suits with ear pieces swarming every big hotel or even seeing every available police officer standing in the middle of the streets doing nothing. It's probably the best time to commit a crime elsewhere in the city. Who's gonna be there to stop ya?
Anyway, I can see how it can be annoying to most New Yorkers. Why do you need all this security? Where are we, Beirut? I don't think these people are very important at all. I agree with Booger in Revenge of the Nerd II. They are all V.I.P.s... Very Immense Penises.

Babies Can Go Almost Anywhere

I thought it would be hard to bring a baby out when you want to go somewhere and have adult time. I was wrong. I went to Octoberfest this weekend with the wife and baby and, although it was very crowded, we were able to get in and find a nice section to lay a blanket out for the her. The wife and I proceeded to have some beer and enjoy the music and festivities. The next day we went to the park and again laid the blanket out for the little one and let her watch us as we played badminton. She seemed to enjoy the day and made little of no fuss at either occasion. Outdoors is fine. Indoors...not s o much. It's not that I think the little one would be a terror. It's just that I'm a bit skeptical of going on a plane for example with the little one. I don't want to be that guy. I hate it when kids are in a movie theather or a plane. You cannot escape. I was hoping to wait until she was at least 6 before bringing her into such places. We'll see.

Adult View-Master

I've recently gotten very interested in buying 3D View-Master reels. I bought a couple reels from the 70's, which was when I last used this device. I was wondering if they created adult themed reels but I haven't found any on-line. Not that I would buy them, I just want to know what looking at bikini models in 3D would look like. Yeah, I know you can look at live bikini models but the novelty of 3D View-Master bikini models would be interesting. Anyway, the best part of View-Masters are that you only need one had to view them. Think about that one.

70's Rehash

I was looking at a picture of a coworker's parents house and could not stop looking at the wall paper. It was like the 70's popped a huge zit and it exploded all over the kitchen. I remember my grandparents having something similar in their kitchen as well as all their bathrooms. In retrospect I feel that it wouldn't be too bad of a style to have today. I'm not saying cover the whole apartment in this tacky show of splendor. Maybe one bathroom could have it. It seemed you didn't have a good bathroom back then unless you covered it in outrageously bad wall paper. My cousins old house had a bathroom with wallpaper that had greek sculptors on it, half of which seemed to be having an orgy. Really weird stuff. These days, most people opt for bare white walls and possibly a trim at the top or bottom. If I get around to it one of these days I might actually try to recreate this awesomeness in my own bathroom. Of course, the wife will never go for it. She doesn't share my vision.

We Are All Lottery Winners

I find it problematic when someone tells me that they have never won a thing in their life. They are of course referring to the lottery or a raffle or any other chance event. I find this a problem because each and every one of them have won the biggest lottery of all time. Here's how I see it:
Everybody, including you, has or had a dad. Your dad, at an early age like around 12, figured out how to masterbate. With each ejaculate he produced anywhere from 50 million to 150 million individual sperm. Figure he wacked off on average once a day for many years until he finally found a woman to do it for him. Your dad has lots of sex with many of these women and each time he ejaculates he produces 50 million to 150 million sperm. Eventually, after all those years of fucking girlfriends and strangers he will meet you mom. He has lots of sex with your mom and each time he ejaculates he produces 50 million to 150 million sperm. At some point, either on purpose or by accident, during one of those sex sessions that produces 50 million to 150 million individual sperm, 1 of those little guys of the trillions of spermatozoa that your dad produced over the course of his entire life, makes it to the promise land and fertilizes one of your mom's eggs. And that little lottery winner is you.

ViewMaster

I decided to purchase some old 70's 3D ViewMaster reels on ebay. I grew up looking at them and although the weird still claymation aspect of the images is rather tacky compared to today's reels, I loved it anyway. I am going to try to get 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Dracula, Wolf Man, Frankenstein and Godzilla. I can probalby get all of them for like $12. I don't actually have a ViewMaster yet but I figured if I can get the reels then getting a ViewMaster will be the easy part. I want to give them to my kid when she gets a bit older. I think trying to get nostalgic with your own kid is half the fun of making them. The other half is actually making them.

Parking Debate

I'm not a big fan of people who hold parking spots for other by standing in them. Yesterday, I came home and saw a coveted spot to park in and was about to take it when miraculously I saw another spot 2 cars in front of that spot. I figured I'd take that one as I was lazy and could be 2 cars closer to my apartment. However, a woman was standing in my way. She said she was holding the spot for someone. Kind of retarded as I believe that the first car to get to the spot should have it. I didn't make an issue out of it as I got the first spot I saw and parked there anyway. Still, the principle for me at lease is that you can't hold a spot for someone by just standing in it. I wish I could throw eggs at people as well as other cars from my car who I deem to be retarded. Not in a Special Olympics way but rather a you should know better but don't way. Too many assholes driving on the road and standing in the street.

Free Toppings

If you're like me you love a true NYC dirty water dog. For those that don't know what these are, they are the hot dogs you buy anywhere from $1 up to $3 from a hot dog/pretzel vendor in the street or the park. On Monday, I happened to have been in Central park with the fam and decided on getting some dirty waters. A true New Yorker will know that the only things you can get on them are kraut, onions, ketchup or mustard. You say what you want specifically or if you want it all you tell the vendor you want a dog with everything. The dogs themselves come in 2 sizes, regular and large. A true New Yorker also knows that anything you get on your dog does not cost anything extra. I asked the vendor for 1 small dog with kraut and one large dog with everything. The Central Park dogs are a bit more than the street dogs because of the location so the small one is listed on the cart for $2 and the large for $3. When the vendor gave me the 2 dogs he asked for $7 in return. I asked what for as the sign clearly said a total of $5 for those 2 dogs. He then took a ripped card board sign out that said large dogs are $4 and toppings extra. I lost my shit on this dude. I said that was bullshit since the price was fixed as his cart sign mentioned and toppings were never extra in the cost anywhere in the city. I yelled at him for trying treat me like some Okie tourist who might not know better. He quickly gave up the fight and took the $5 for the 2 dogs he had just handed me. What an asshole.

Political Dream

I had a dream last night. Obama was a police man who, along with a sidekick who was not Joe Biden, was in a Mississippi town trying to find his dad. The other police officers were giving him a hard time and brought him to the county lock-up. He was trying to get people to recognize him and nobdy knew who Barack Obama was. As he was sitting in jail, there was only one person who could get him out. John McCain shows up and every one knows who he is so they let Obama out because he asked them to. Very Heat of the Night-ish.

Not sure what this means.